If
by invis
Summary: Yeah, it's another postFault story. In my defense, well...I have none. This'll be mildly OE, obviously. Mostly I just wanted to investigate it a little further while waiting for a new episode. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Shocker of shockers—it's a post-Fault fic!** I know it's been done a thousand times already, but what can I say? I'm a cheap cliché. One of the crowd. A speck in a sea of sameness. Also, I love Fault. You love Fault. We all love Fault. And I love Cragen, because I've been a boss-man fan ever since Skinner on the X-Files, and I don't believe I can stop now. And I don't believe I will try, either. So I wanted to give Cragen a nice speech after Olivia's "special request" at the end of the episode, so I'm just gonna. Mmkay? All right then.

**The disclaimer thingie:** I don't own any characters or plot lines or pieces of the set or locks of actors' hair or anything else from Law & Order SVU. Or any other shows, for that matter. Or, come to think of it, peanut butter. I really need groceries.

* * *

.

Cragen sat at his desk, still and unreadable, as Olivia let out a nervous breath. "Cap, did you hear m—"

"Sit down, Olivia."

She complied, running through Cragen's possible moods in her head. He hadn't called her Benson, so he couldn't be too mad. On the other hand, he hadn't called her Liv, so he wasn't in an informal, friendly mood, either. Which was good for her case—if in fact she wanted what she'd said she wanted—because it meant he wasn't taking the situation too casually. "Sir?" she said after a few minutes had passed silently.

"Liv," he began. "Explain yourself." At her kid-in-the-principal's-office expression, he elaborated. "You made a pretty big request. I need motive," he said, so easily slipping into cop mode to override his unease. "Reasoning," he clarified. He paused to look at his detective's face, and saw the emotions he knew she was trying so hard to hide. She'd never been as successful at that as she thought she was, at least not with him. "And most of all," he said gently, "I want to know you're okay."

Olivia relaxed slightly, though she knew she had a difficult conversation ahead of her. "I'm fine, Cap."

"Bullshit."

"Huh?" she said, internally and aloud. After Cragen's gentle tone of a moment ago, she hadn't been expecting that response.

"Detective Benson, given your conversation opener, I think I can safely conclude that you're not okay."

"I've given it a lot of thought—"

"In the last, oh, half hour since you've been back at the station?" he countered.

"I—well, yes. It doesn't necessarily take longer than that when the decision was out of my hands to begin with," she said, hearing more defeat in her voice than she'd wanted to convey.

Captain Cragen understood suddenly why Olivia was in front of him, making a plea for a new partner. He understood, but he needed to hear it from her. If she was serious about her request, she had to say the hard words; he wasn't entirely sure she herself knew what she was doing. She was high on emotion, and Cragen needed her to spell out her reasons—for her own sake, as well as his.

"Olivia," he said, leveling his gaze at hers, "start from the beginning. Or the middle—wherever you need to start to end up at, 'I want a new partner.'"

She took a deep breath, held it, let it out unused. If breath were all it took to form the words…but no, they were lodged more deeply than that. "It's complicated. I don't know if I can…it's complicated." It was and it wasn't.

"I know, Liv, but so is splitting up my best team. I need to hear your reasons," he said, with as even a blend of concern and authority as possible.

"I guess what it boils down to is that he gave us an ultimatum, and I made my choice."

"Listen, Olivia, I know you had a tough decision to make back there, but you didn't do anything wrong. Even if you had taken the shot, there's a chance you could've missed, or that Gitano'd already killed the kid. Or even that he hadn't and you didn't find her—"

"Captain," Olivia interrupted. "I didn't mean Gitano. It was Elliot—he gave us an ultimatum. He said we couldn't keep choosing each other over the job. He said if we did…" She let the words drop as though they were too heavy to say; the blanks were easy to fill in.

"So that's it. Your mind's made up?"

"Guess it has to be, huh?" Tears were forming in her eyes, but she didn't try to hide them.

"Liv, it's not like you to roll over this easily," Cragen said gently. "Now, if it's what you really want, I'll have to respect your wishes, but I have to say, from this side, it looks like the easy way out." He looked at her, could see the steam rising to the surface. He hoped he knew what he was doing.

"You think this is easy?" she said evenly, though the control in her voice didn't extend to her expression. Her face felt hot and her throat was a painful vise she had to push the words through. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. You know what a difficult job this is. Elliot is the only thing—I count on him, you know? And when he said…you heard how he blew up at me. He as much as blamed me for that little boy's death. He doesn't think I can do my job." Her voice lowered to a husky whisper. "Maybe he's right."

Cragen looked at the top of her bowed head and felt an ache for her that he couldn't write off as supervisory concern. This was his detective, yes, but she was also a friend. Near to a daughter. He didn't want to see her hurting, but he needed her to work through this. Elliot had a tough veneer, but Olivia was the strong one. If only she'd see that. "Olivia," he said softly, getting her to lift her head, to lock her eyes on his. "Elliot has a temper. You know that better than anyone. He reacts. He speaks before he thinks."

"And maybe that's how it should be, Cap. He speaks from his heart."

"He speaks from his hot head, Liv. Look, those of us who know and love him would call Elliot passionate, but let's face it: he's a loose cannon. And that's why I want you to think good and hard before you officially put in for a new partner."

Olivia tilted her head, studying Cragen's face. "What exactly are you saying?"

"Nothing that should come as a shock to you, Liv. You know Elliot better than anyone on this planet, with the possible exception of Kathy. And you know he's got no support from her anymore."

"So, what, I'm his new wife? Captain, I know he needs someone to talk to, but what he needs and what he'll do are two different things. He won't talk to me; he'll shout at me. Am I supposed to just take that?" She sighed and lowered her head into her hands. "I don't know if I can."

"Olivia, what I'm afraid of is that you are the **only** one who can."

It was simply put, but she still hoped she'd misunderstood. "Cap, be straight with me. What'll happen if I can't work with Elliot anymore?"

"I don't know, Liv, but he's in a bad place right now. He's not thinking straight and it's affecting his job. I know you've seen it. Used to be he'd react from his heart. Sure, he's got a natural lack of restraint, but he used to wait for a reason before flying off the handle. Now it's like his emotions are in overdrive. There's no predicting what'll set him off."

Olivia sighed. "I know. This thing with Kathy…he misses his kids. He has no balance right now."

"He has you. Listen, I don't want to lay this all on you—believe me, I don't—but if I switch things up and the next guy he's partnered with calls his actions into question, I can't cover for him. He's like a son to me, but I can't protect him forever. He's a good guy, Olivia. You know that. I don't want to see him destroy himself, but he's got a good start, and I'm afraid you're the only thing keeping him sane right now." He didn't want to believe the pleading he heard in his own voice, but it was unmistakable. And the effect on Olivia was obvious as well.

She sat still, her hands on the arms of her chair, tears in her eyes.

"Liv, he needs you."

She gasped and lowered her head, unable to stop crying now. "I know. What do I do now?"

"You talk to him. Because if you don't, then I've got to do it, and I don't have your looks and charm." He came around the desk and sat beside her, put his hand on her shoulder. "If you still want a new partner, I'll do what I can. Until then, I'll put you with Fin for a while. But Olivia?"

She raised her eyes to him, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Talk to Elliot. He needs you, and I think you need him, too."

* * *

.

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disclaimer thingie: I don't own these characters or even imitate ownership at all well, so don't sue me. I have a kick-ass action figure collection I'd hate to lose. (I really don't. I'm totally lying about that. Don't rob me.)

* * *

. 

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Olivia. Come on in."

She walked in hesitantly, not exactly sure what she was doing there or what she wanted to say. "I'm sorry to bother you. I just need…an outside opinion, I guess."

"About Elliot," Huang said, motioning Olivia to a chair.

She looked surprised, but supposed she shouldn't be. Word traveled fast; the walls had ears; any cliché you could imagine applied at the station. "Yes. And I've been told to sit about four thousand times today, so I'll stand."

"Easier to pace, too." He smiled at Olivia, knowing she wouldn't have come to him if she weren't extremely conflicted. He wanted to put her at ease, though he doubted that was possible. "You two had a rough day," he began.

"That's an understatement," Olivia replied, but she took up his thinly-veiled invitation to talk. "He has some doubts about…our success as a team. I've asked Cragen to give me a new partner, but he wants me to think about it. He wants me to talk to Elliot. Which is a great idea on paper, but if we could talk, we wouldn't be having this problem."

"What do you think the problem is?"

"Well, that's the thing. I didn't think we had a problem. Yeah, we had a shitty day, but if we can't count on each other when that happens, who can we count on? He thinks I made the wrong choice when Gitano had a gun on him. You know he actually expected me to risk his life by taking the shot? How could he?"

"You think it's unreasonable for him to expect that of you."

"Of course I do!"

"Because you care about him."

"He's my partner. That's part of my job."

Huang chuckled, and Olivia glared at him. "Don't be angry. I was just thinking it'd be nice if Elliot had read that job description. He might've been less upset…" Realizing his slip, he let the sentence end, hoping she wouldn't read anything into it.

"He came to you, too," she said. It wasn't a question, and she didn't seem to be asking for an explanation. She surprised him be continuing: "I'm glad."

"I have to say, I'm surprised."

"He needs to talk to someone. Obviously, he doesn't want it to be me." She tried to backtrack. "I didn't mean to sound so jilted. I just want him to be okay, you know?"

"I know. You have his best interests at heart; it's what makes you a good partner."

"So, is he?" she asked, her voice low and soft.

"You'd know that better than I would, Olivia, but he's got some things to work through."

"The divorce," she said, nodding.

Huang inclined his head toward her in agreement. "Yes, though I think he's managing to compartmentalize that to his satisfaction."

"Meaning?"

"Olivia, you know Elliot is…passionate."

Olivia laughed suddenly. At Huang's surprised expression, she said, "That's how Cragen phrased it, too."

"It's gentler than 'loose cannon' or 'hot head,' I suppose," Huang said, smiling.

"Other terms that came up in Cragen's office," Olivia said, her smile fading a bit. "Does he have a handle on it?" she asked.

"What do you think?"

"Do you always answer a question with a question?" she said, smiling uncomfortably.

"You're stalling," Huang said gently. "I'm asking you because I think you know better than I do."

Olivia let out a breath. "Okay, well, I guess I'd have to agree about compartmentalizing. In the past when he's flown off the handle, it's been about something he feels justified being angry about. He advocates for children because he's a father, and, well, because it's a given: children are innocent and don't deserve the kind of treatment we see on the job."

Huang nodded, encouraging her to go on.

"And he gets angry on behalf of the vics because they've been violated—because it's his job to be on their side. And, yeah, he has a hot temper, but we all feel like we want to punch a perp from time to time." She laughed bitterly. "Daily, if I'm honest. So he gets a little overheated sometimes, but that's to be understood."

"Why do you think he's been so volatile lately? The divorce?"

"Yes. He misses his kids. And he's mad at Kathy, but he can't hate her. I'd be conflicted, too."

"Would you let your emotions get in the way of your job?"

She shook her head slowly, then stopped, nodded once. "That's what Elliot thinks. He thinks I chose him over the job, but he's my partner. How can I separate him from the job?"

"You're sure you don't?" Huang asked.

"I—no. I'm not sure. But he's my friend, too, you know? We've worked together for seven years. It's impossible not to form a relationship with someone under these circumstances." She paused, mentally chiding herself. "But I have to, don't I?"

"No, Olivia. You don't. There's no rule that says you can't care about your partner. In fact, I'd say it's preferable that you do. Do you see now why Elliot is having difficulty with his feelings?"

"Because I don't fit in a box," she answered, her voice low with understanding. "Because our relationship isn't black and white. But it hasn't been for a long time. Why now?"

"Do you think it has to do with the divorce, Olivia?" Huang asked, willing her to come to the answer on her own.

"Maybe it was easier to categorize me when he was married," she admitted. "Now that he doesn't have Kathy, he wants to turn to me for support, but he's afraid that without the boundaries of his marriage, things will be blurry. But we don't have that kind of relationship. It's not like that."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she answered, nodding resolutely.

"But you're afraid he's confused."

"I'm not afraid. I just want him to be okay."

Huang put his hand on her arm, and looked into her face. "He will be, Olivia. And he'll talk to you. Just keep trying."

"Thanks for letting me talk," Olivia said, sighing. "I guess I have my work cut out for me."

"You've never struck me as someone who was afraid of a little hard work," Huang said reassuringly. "And Olivia?"

She turned back. "Yeah?"

"If you really want to stop working with Elliot, I think you might be ready for my job." He smiled as she walked out of the room chuckling. "She's got it figured out," he said to himself. "Now let's just hope she can get through to Elliot."

* * *

. 

To be continued.


	3. Chapter 3

**3rd and final chapter...**

**A/N: **I had to shamelessly squeeze in a Buffy reference, since it's one of my other favorite shows. :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own nuthin'.

* * *

. 

Olivia paused and took a deep breath before bringing her hand up to the door. She placed her palm against it in a kind of prayer, before closing her hand into a fist and knocking. She heard the television on inside, but wondered if he'd answer the door. Maybe the kids were there. Maybe he wasn't up for visitors—especially not her. Maybe—

The door opened and Elliot frowned when he saw her. "Liv, I don't know if this is such a good idea."

"I just want to talk, Elliot," she said firmly.

"That's the problem. I don't know what to say," he said, his eyes down.

"El," she said quietly. "I can't honestly believe you don't think you can talk to me. It's **_me_**."

"Again, that's the problem," Elliot said, now looking into her face. He saw her begin to doubt herself, to turn away slightly. "But I'll try." He stood aside and held the door open for her.

Minutes had passed since they'd made their way to the couch, and neither had spoken. Olivia looked from the television to her partner. "So…Buffy, huh?

"Well, come on," Elliot said sheepishly. "She's hot, and she kills the bad guy. And she's hot."

"I can see why you didn't want to talk," Olivia teased. "Hard to form words in the presence of Buffy."

Elliot turned to her, sobering. He picked up the remote and turned off the TV. "So we get rid of the distractions," he said with a tight smile. "You want to talk about what I said today."

"No," she said, surprising him. "I just want to talk. I think if we'd done that sooner, it might not have come down to an ultimatum."

"Liv, I didn't mean it like that. I was just…"

"Scared," she finished. Noting his slightly offended expression, she amended herself. "Worried. That if you let me in, it'll be easier to lose me."

"You been talking to Huang?" Elliot asked. Olivia blanched before she realized he was kidding, trying to laugh off a point that'd hit too close to home.

"If I'm off base here, feel free to correct me."

"Okay," he said, lacing his fingers together.

"Okay?" Olivia asked, confused.

"Okay, I will. If you go off base. Which you haven't."

"Yet," she said, smiling lightly. She knew how hard it was for him to admit she was on target, that he really was scared. Well, "worried."

"What else you got, doc?" he asked gamely.

"Oh, let's not go that far," Olivia said, holding her hands up defensively. "I was just trying to help. I'd rather listen for a while, if it's okay with you."

"Now who's scared?" Elliot asked, but there was levity underneath his words, and Olivia relaxed.

"You got me. I'm afraid of pissing you off."

"You should be. I'm a loose cannon, you know." He winked at her, but didn't miss her horrified expression. "Liv, I'm not completely oblivious. I know what people say about me, and I haven't exactly been the picture of mental health lately."

"You're fine, El. Just stressed out, with Kathy and everything…" She stopped, knowing anything else she said would only close him off more.

"Thanks, Olivia."

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I'm just making it worse—"

"No, really, Liv. Thank you for finding me sane. You're one of the few."

"And yet you won't talk to me." It was a risk, but if she wanted him talking, she had to brave the elements.

Instead of blowing up, he sighed resignedly. "You're right."

"I am?" she asked, feigning a great deal more shock than she felt.

"Don't pass out on me now," Elliot laughed. "Unless you're wearing that black bra I like so much—"

"Elliot!" Olivia shrieked, smacking him in the arm. "For that, you owe me some conversation."

"All you chicks are the same," he said, smiling. "Talk, talk, talk."

Olivia cocked her eyebrow at him, and he rolled his eyes.

"Fine. I give." But his expression was less annoyed than he wanted her to believe, and he knew he wasn't fooling her. "You're right that this thing with Kathy is spinning my head. I don't know how it's all going to shake out, but whatever happens, it's not gonna be easy. In fact, the only thing easy about it was that I knew you'd be there for me." He looked down at his hands, still locked together, white-knuckled. "And then…I just couldn't. I couldn't talk about it. Not with you."

"Why not with me?" she asked gently.

"I felt—I blamed you. Not you personally, but my relationship with you. The time I spent with you. The way I trusted you, relied on you. Gave you more of myself than I gave Kathy. She was right, Liv. I gave it all to the job, to you. I didn't save anything for her. And the worst part is…I knew it, and I didn't stop it. I didn't care." He looked into her face, and his eyes were ice and self loathing. "What does that say about me? I ruined my marriage and blamed you for it. And then I didn't even have the guts to tell you."

Olivia's heart went out to him, and her hands moved to his. She pried his fingers apart and slid her hands between his. "El, don't say that. Don't even think it. You're my partner. You **get paid** to spend time with me. You can't blame our partnership for what's happening with your marriage. And I'm not saying that to defend myself or our jobs, or to give marriage the Munch seal of disapproval. These things happen. You and Kathy both have a part in it, but to say you jeopardized your marriage for your job—Elliot, you work the hell out of this job, and I don't ever want to hear you fault your dedication for what happened with Kathy." She took a breath and looked into Elliot's eyes. She wasn't surprised to see tears in them. "I guess I get a little territorial when it comes to our work. And our friendship. I never want you to doubt the importance of what you do. And I never want you to think you can't talk to me."

Elliot gripped her hands in his roughly. "Well, I won't now. On threat of death, huh?" He grinned at his partner, suddenly amazed at the choice he'd put to her earlier in the day. "Liv, what I said at the hospital…I didn't mean…" He fumbled in words, felt barraged and failed by them. "When I said I didn't want to lose you, I meant that. I thought I had to choose the arena of our relationship: either work or personal. I was wrong. We work better together because we care. Not in spite of it."

She smiled at him. Step by excruciating step, he would let her help him through this.

"I suppose you already knew that," he said sheepishly.

"Intermittently," she admitted.

"Hug it out?" He pulled her hands toward him and she fell into him gratefully, if not gracefully. "Oof—Liv! I'm not even single yet. Hands off!"

"Cad," Olivia laughed, extricating herself from his lap. "Now, there was some Buffy on TV?"

Elliot laughed and grabbed the remote, but kept one hand in his partner's. He had regained his balance.

* * *

. 

"Cap, can I see you a minute?" Olivia asked, poking her head into Cragen's office.

He feared what she might say, but invited her in. He was surprised when she pulled Elliot in with her.

"I just wanted to ask…I want to request a—an old partner." She smiled at her boss, who had a picture-perfect expression of relief on his face.

"Request granted," Cragen said with a gruffness that didn't fool any of them. He smiled as he lowered his head back to the papers on his desk. "Now get back to work."

* * *

.

**A/N: ** I know, I know - it's not a romantic ending, but I don't want to rush them. You know it all rolls downhill from the bedroom. :)


End file.
